When you know better you do better!
I don't make New Year's Resolutions, but 2017 was hard and I saw myself in a new light. It's dim and lifeless. It's very lonely. Though dark I could make out the walls I've put up over the years and the rooms I've built to keep others in my life in. Neither room connecting to another. Some rooms off limits and blocked off. I hate to admit it, but some of my closest relationships are in rooms locked up tight and left to die. Forgotten. I'm sad because I have no one that exists beyond the confines of the rooms I've built. I force them to stay so all they know is what I show them. That's not a friendship; it's a prison. All of this has turned me into a person that I don't want to be. A person that holds back and isn't their best possible self. There's no freedom here. Along with locking away or pushing away those close, I've managed to lock myself in with all my baggage.
I'm done living like this... or rather existing like this. My resolution is knock down all the walls and letting in the light. I creating an open and honest space that represents me. Allowing all to see who I am and not just what I show them. I want to release those relations I abandoned and hopefully revive them if I can. I know some are gone and that's okay. I can only ask forgiveness at this point and move on. It is going to be tough and no teardown/remodel is completed in a day. It will take time, but I know the outcome will be worth it. I'm ready to do better!